I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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