Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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