I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
