kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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