Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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