Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were trust falling into bushes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
