community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
