I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
