I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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