dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
