They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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