Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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