well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
