I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
nutella sex= disaster
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
