Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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