i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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