the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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