why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
