I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
