Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
