Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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