Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
