textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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