i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
