Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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