i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
