How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
