I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
