I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
