Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
