tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
