Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
