covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize