...so i touched it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
