i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize