I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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