I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
