I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
