Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
