were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
