Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
