Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jerry, you need to find god
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
