Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize