Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
