8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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