He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize