new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
