Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
