I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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