My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
