ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize