I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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