it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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