Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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