just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
