DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize