I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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