just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
