Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize