too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
