he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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