Me. At least after what I've been through.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
