the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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