how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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