i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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