Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my poor anus
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize