I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
