fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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