It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize