I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
