she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
