my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
