i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
