hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
