Umm I'm too high to move.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
