You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
