Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
