Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
