Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
