I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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