I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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