I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
