WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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