i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize