im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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