I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
