You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we should paint friendship bongs
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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