I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
