I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
