She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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