Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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