I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you traded sex for a burrito?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
