he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
