i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
