everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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