You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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