I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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