Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
