i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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