It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
