Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize