party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
