I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
