I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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