We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
