ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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