and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize