It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
