I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
