Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
