My room smells like vodka and shame
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
