Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
