I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
