Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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